It's been nearly a year since I've posted and I apologize to myself for forgetting how I wanted to keep this going. I am spending my summer in Toronto this year and it feels strange, because I've finally moved away from home. I've stayed here for the entire school year and even decided to stay the extra free time, which means I actually have a life here. I have a summer job with a production company, another opportunity apprentice directing a play in the summerworks festival, I will be moving into my own apartment in July and a boyfriend I plan on spending the rest of my life with.
Someone's old friend, someone's lover, someone's sister, someone's daughter.
With all of that being said, it sounds like I have everything figured out, but truth is I've been going kind of insane. All of this time away from my family has been getting to me, I feel stressed out and lonely most of the time. At a young age, I learned that family is the most important thing, especially to utilize all the time you have together, but living so far away makes that difficult and there lies my conflict. I haven't been home since Christmas break and I don't get another visit until the 19th of August, where I officially have two weeks off from what I call my double life. I haven't exactly figured out how to keep both sides of myself happy, because I know this career is what I want, I just wish I could have all of this in Winnipeg.
After reading all of my past entries, it's very clear I am at a different part in my life which I am so thankful for. I don't know where all the strength came from to drive these changes, but that's probably what my mom has been talking about when she says I'm built from the same backbone that helped her lug her four children to daycare in the middle of January. Now, I realize it's not the same because I don't have any children but I can't decide if that makes it harder or not. Being that I actually want children but I'm smart enough to know to wait until I'm ready.
I don't have any answers, but I think the more questions takes the cake.
