on repeat

I keep imagining myself in some sort of healed state, but I don't think that's the case. If so, it's going to take a long while. I keep thinking that I'm holding myself back by thinking about you, but who knows if that's a part of getting over it. I constantly have to remind myself how you weren't doing anything with your life and how I'm forwarding myself by not being with you. It sounds ridiculous but it's a lot to let go of, it was real. I didn't disappear for five years and wake up here, I did this to myself. I let go of a lot of opportunities because of my attachment to you. I regret doing so and yet I find myself always wondering where we would have been in the future. We weren't the perfect match for each other. Who even knows if that's a real thing.

Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

I get further from you and that was something I always imagined, even when we were together. Things are going to change, drastically. I don't need you anymore.